Wednesday 10th April

Wednesday 10 April

8.30 am - I've had a sleepless night debating on whether or not I should instigate meetings with HR and/or line manager. On the one hand, I'm desperate to get some reassurance that the college want to and can support me; on the other hand, why the flip should I show them how to behave legally and professionally? I am also getting stressed about how and when the 50 pieces of year 11 coursework marking is going to get done. My thinking is that if the supply teacher had been employed to support my phased return, she can cover some lessons for me so that I can get the marking done. I can feel panic setting in so I decide to speak to CB and find out if she knows whether supply is solely for supporting me or not. CB is talking to another colleague at the entrance to the shared admin office so rather than be rude and interrupt her conversation I go and stand next to her desk in clear view to her. She does not acknowledge that I am there.

8.32 am - Still no acknowledgement from CB. The principal's PA stops to ask how I am and I start to get upset as you do when you're mental, frustrated and someone is actually nice to you.

8.35 am - Still no acknowledgement from CB. I have a choice - chuck the stapler on the desk in front of me at CBs head or leave the office. Thankfully, the uncontrollable urge to cry takes over and I flee the admin office, crying like a toddler at Bambi. For the first time ever I walk through the college in tears not able to control them in front of students. Actually, none of them take the piss!

8.40 am - Decide I need to speak to Y (Line manager) about WTF is going on with supply teacher, backlog of work and that I'm shitting myself that I can't get it all done. A very reluctant Y has to accept my hysterical request for a chat. He declines my request for supply teacher to cover some lessons and also says that she can't mark the backlog of work; I am explicit in my explanation that there is not enough time for me to teach and mark the work. He just does his best 'I'm going to tip you over the edge so you leave' face and says "you'll have to find a way". I sniffle and sob my way back to our office.

8.45 am - Bell goes for start of tutor time. I'm still sobbing hysterically. I ring CB, clearly distressed, and ask if there is anyone who she can grab to cover the tutor period as X has gone AWOL again. She says there is no one free in the whole college. After sobbing more down the phone (one of those you can't catch your breath and speak episodes) she tells me, with a big sigh, to stay put and someone will be over to help me.

8.50 am - no sign of any help arriving so I take a few deep breaths and head for the tutor room. The kids have that look on their faces that people have when a stray pitbull wanders up to them - is it going to be all helpless and you want to help it or is it going to rip my head off?! They realise that unless they give me reason to I will not rip their heads off today. I explain that I've had some bad news and I'm upset so for them just to ignore me which they do. 

8.52 am - All of a sudden, there is an influx of additional staff in my room, which is amazing considering 7 minutes ago there was no one free in the whole college; we have an HR person, 2 x Assistant Principals, CB and WW (a teacher from another department) all arriving to help me out. WW takes over my tutor period while the others try to calm me down in the office. They have about succeeded when X wanders in, does a double take at the carnage in front of her and decides the make a hasty retreat. She'll keep.

9.00 am - I turn down the offer of having my lesson covered as it's a P16 lesson that's all boys so I know if I tell them it's the time of the month they'll shut up, leave me alone and get on with their work. As it turns out all they ask is if  I've had "a" menopause, everything there is to know about "Maggie Thatcher the milk sntacher" and if we can watch the funeral during next weeks lesson! Love those boys.

11.00 am I'm a mentalist. Get me out of heeeeeeeeeere!!! Off for a bit of retail therapy and a trip to Greggs.

Days back at work without a return to work interview with HR and/or meeting with Line Manager  = 3

Tuesday 9th April

Tuesday 9 April

8.30am - I'm on duty in the freezing cold getting pushed and shoved by swearing youths, X gets to attend the nice warm house meeting to get important information to to pass onto tutor group.

8.40am - House Leader collars me to ask why X was not at house meeting; looks at me strangely when I say "Ask her. As you can see I'm freezing my nads off here trying to stop kids being run over by the bus drivers they've just abused". 

8.45am - My line manager stops to speak to Q who I'm on duty with and having a conversation with; line manager doesn't even say hello to me. 

8.50am - After arguing with a few random slackers hanging around the corridors I arrive at the tutor classroom to find 5 students with X watching the News. I ask where the other 13 tutees are; "They refused to come in the room" X tells me, "I've told them to go to reception. Can you take over while I go and sort the problem out?". "Of course" I say and off she trots. Minutes later Z comes into the classroom to tell me she has found the students milling around the corridor. I shout A LOT at the kids about their stupidity and unpleasantness and tell them to wait in the corridor as there will be a member of the leadership team coming up to sort them out. I track X down to the admin office where she is having a chat with her chum; I ask her what she has done to sort the problem; she initially just doesn't answer me! When I ask the question again, she says "Nothing. I didn't know what to do so I didn't do anything". I tell her "that's bloody useful" and slam the phone down. I ring student support and leave a message requesting some help before I explode and soon an Assistant Principle is over to whisper to the students in the corridor that they shouldn't have done what they did. End off.

9.15am - I've been tasked with supporting Zs lesson to improve behaviour and improve their grades. I reflect on the situation of little old me helping someone 3 salary points above me (after me having been refused my salary point increase this year) and decide that it would be rude for me to come up with ideas and strategies for someone so much better than me, so I sit and stare out of the window trying my best to not react to the kids in the room eating, swearing and throwing things at Z. When I do try and support her when a kid is in her face shouting at her, he tells me "You are talking BOLLOCKS" to which Z laughs, shakes her head and says "what's he like?". I decide to leave the room, have a cup of coffee and start my Tesco internet shop.

10.15am - The supply teacher who I met briefly yesterday comes into the office and shows me what she's been up to in my absence. The member of admin team who arranges cover  (CB) comes into to see supply teacher and doesn't even say hello to me. During a bit chit chat with supply teacher she informs me she has been employed for the whole of my phased return for continuity; I explain the nobody has told me this and apologise on behalf of my pig ignorant colleagues, line manager and admin support.

11.05pm - Decide to do my break duty at the front gate as a) my car was parked there and b) to see SF so I can catch up on some gossip from while I've been off. Get to bollock a few kids for smoking and then head off home to catch up on daytime telly.

Days back at work without a return to work interview with HR and/or meeting with Line Manager  = 2

Monday 8th April

Monday 8 April

8.30am - Arrive in staff room. Before I take my jacket off, X (my co-tutor, someone I used to line manage and the salary point above me) tells me she hates hates our tutor group, that she doesn't want to teach them anymore and what can I do about it? My response: "I can do nothing. Speak to Y. He's your line manager." 

8.45am - I need to be in my classroom to send the tutor group to assembly for 8.45 AND in the main hall to make sure they sit in the right place and don't start fighting as X has hidden somewhere in the college. Meanwhile I have Z (someone else I used to line manage and is 3 salary points above me) asking me what I think she should do with her tutor group; I explain that I have been back in college 15 minutes and it's not my job to advise her what to do with her tutor group, there is a whole school tutor programme (that some gets paid £50K to write) and that she should refer to that. 

9.15am - X interrupts my lesson to ask me if there are any board pens in the stationery cupboard in the office. Try as I might, I don't manage to make "I don't know, I've been off for two months. Why don't you go into the office, open the stationery cupboard and look? If there's none there get Y to order some" not sound sarcastic. 

11.00am - After establishing with my classes that they have basically been babysat for half a term and are no further forward in the syllabus than when I went off sick, I refuse to take responsibility or guilt for this and skip out of school to head home for relaxing bath, nice coffee and a magazine fest.

Days back at work without a return to work interview with HR and/or meeting with Line Manager  = 1

What the...?

Here's the background. I've been off work as a secondary school teacher for 9 weeks after 18 months of having a few days off here and there trying to cope with clinical depression and have just returned to a very hostile reception. I'm trying to make light of it by writing this blog but maybe it will also it will be something I can reflect on at a later date and use it for something positive.

Enjoy!